"Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say."

[elvenavari]

"Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say." - Anonymous

Okay well, I had to make this up somehow. In my last entry I only mentioned Kel when I was sorta talking bad or refering to something bad. Let me clear this up, I do not blame Kel for anything. It's not her fault that Brandon likes her more than me. A person cannot help how much another person likes them.

Kelly is leaving in two days. This has got to be the saddest Christmas I've had since my mama died on Dec. 21st that one year.

Two days ago Hallie came in my room and closed the door, she sat on my bed and said, "So how do you feel?"
"What are you talking about?" <--me
"About my... wait you don't know?"
"Know what?"
"Brandon said you knew."
"KNEW WHAT?!" (By this time I knew what she was getting at, I just didn't say it.)
"That I'm not coming back next semester."
"No I didn't know but I guess I do now."
"I'm sorry. I just don't think Cumberland is the place for me at this time in my life."
"Well if you feel that way... Cumberland isn't the place for everyone."
"Are you mad at me?"
"No. I can't be mad at my best friend."

A few minutes later Hallie left and Kel brought a couple of her books in and sat on my other bed while I was typing a message to Andy. She looked at me and asked if I was okay.

"Sure I'm okay."
"Don't lie to me Liv."
"I'm not."
"You are. Tell me how you feel."
I glanced over at her as tears filled my eyes.
"All my friends are going to forget me."
Kelly got up and came over to sit beside me, putting her arms around me.
"If you don't want to be hugged just tell me and I'll stop."
I didn't tell her to stop.
"Liv, none of your friends are going to forget you. I know I could never forget you."

Kelly stayed with me until I was almost done crying and then she asked, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah I'm fine."
"I love that, how you said that without a single tear in your voice."
"It comes from practice."

I was telling Laura today that I don't know if it's because of the way I was raised, if it's because mom always told me she hated the friends I have but loved the ones I wasn't friends with anymore... but when a person goes away it always seems that they find better things to do than hang out or talk to me. Maybe it's my own fault because I don't push them... I don't know but my greatest fear is being alone.

I've been pissing Kel off because I keep telling her in my comments on myspace and stuff to promise not to forget me. She says she can't but there is still that lingering fear.

I don't know Laura that well yet, I suppose that we'll grow closer next semester but for now I am losing the only two people I really talk to.

-raises pepsi can- So here's to Kelly, I hope that you don't forget me. I hope you find everything that you are looking for and I hope you will be happy.

Comments

[aubreys-master.livejournal.com]

You don't have to worry, Livy. We all love you, and you are nothing short of unforgetable. I'm sure Kelly's telling the truth. *Hug*

Olive....

[blue-n-ky.livejournal.com]

*sniffle* I don't wanna leave you chica. You're my best friend, but we both know I don't belong here. You also know I could never in a million years forget a person as amazing as you! We've been there for each other since 7th grade....7th!!! Dood, we're sophomores in college...thats a hell of a long time! I don't know about you, but you're one of 2 people who has kept in touch since high school graduation..friends forever. Now, no tears! You're gonna have an extra bed and I'm gonna come visit and we're watching House dammit! We're gonna drink Pepsi, eat chili and be merry. So, yea. No forgetting..only memories of the past and many still to come. We're going to Wal-Mart here in a few, ttyl babe.