Drabble: Not Fooling Myself
Aug. 27th, 2012 10:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvenavariFandom: Twilight
Pairing: Jacob/Seth (one-sided)
Prompt: Doesn’t change anything
“How long have you loved him?”
Seth jumped slightly, having been lost in his thoughts, at the sound of Jasper’s voice. “What?”
Jasper made his way over and sat down on the other lounge chair, stretching his long legs out and putting his hands behind his head. He didn’t look at Seth, he didn’t need to, he had Seth’s attention. “Jacob, how long have you loved him?”
Seth blushed and looked back up at the stars. “Am I that obvious?”
A small smirk lifted at the corner of Jasper’s lips. “Only to me…and well, Edward.” There was silence between them for a few minutes before Jasper asked again, “So, how long have you loved him?”
“You want me to be honest?”
“Please.”
“Alright, since I was six.”
“Six?” Jasper questioned, disbelief clear in his voice.
“I know, it sounds impossible. Who knows they’re in love when their six? I don’t think I knew I was in love then but looking back now, that’s when I first realized it.”
“And what happened when you were six?”
“Do you really want to know all this?” Seth asked glancing over at Jasper.
Jasper sat up straight and turned so that his feet were resting on the wood of the deck between them. His arms rested on his legs as he fixed his golden gaze on Seth. “Seth… I wish I could explain it, but I can’t. I’m drawn to you, it’s like you’re a sun and I’m a moon. I don’t mean that as in I’m attracted to you, I have Alice and she is my everything. But, there is something about you. You feel everything so deeply and for an empath like myself this could either be a very good thing or a very bad thing. Because you are so positive it’s a good thing.”
Seth smiled. “Well I’m glad I don’t cause you pain. I usually try to hide these feelings.”
“I know.”
Sighing, Seth continued to stare up at the stars. “I was six and Jake was eight. We were playing on the playground at school and I wanted to prove that I could climb across the ‘big kid’ monkey bars. I climbed up there and started across…and glanced down. The ground was so far away for a six year old and I got scared, I couldn’t climb across any further and I started to cry. The older kids made fun of me and then ran off to play some other game, leaving me hanging there.”
“How did you get down?”
Seth smiled as he recalled the memory. “Jake. He came over and supported me on his shoulders while I let go. He wiped my tears away and gave me a kiss.”
“He kissed you?”
“On the lips. I doubt he even remembers it now but it was my first kiss and I’ll never forget it.”
“And you’ve loved him ever since?”
“Yeah, ever since.”
“What if Jacob never returns these feelings?” Jasper asked. Jasper felt Seth’s sadness following his question and he regretted asking.
“Nothing will change,” Seth finally murmured. “He loved Bella pretty much all his life and now he has Renesmee. Jake loves me…but only as a little brother. I’m not going to fool myself into thinking that one day he’ll suddenly change his mind and confess his undying love for me.”
“Seth…”
Seth shook his head. “No, I’m not. I love Jacob and I’ll always love him… but he won’t love me.”
Pairing: Jacob/Seth (one-sided)
Prompt: Doesn’t change anything
“How long have you loved him?”
Seth jumped slightly, having been lost in his thoughts, at the sound of Jasper’s voice. “What?”
Jasper made his way over and sat down on the other lounge chair, stretching his long legs out and putting his hands behind his head. He didn’t look at Seth, he didn’t need to, he had Seth’s attention. “Jacob, how long have you loved him?”
Seth blushed and looked back up at the stars. “Am I that obvious?”
A small smirk lifted at the corner of Jasper’s lips. “Only to me…and well, Edward.” There was silence between them for a few minutes before Jasper asked again, “So, how long have you loved him?”
“You want me to be honest?”
“Please.”
“Alright, since I was six.”
“Six?” Jasper questioned, disbelief clear in his voice.
“I know, it sounds impossible. Who knows they’re in love when their six? I don’t think I knew I was in love then but looking back now, that’s when I first realized it.”
“And what happened when you were six?”
“Do you really want to know all this?” Seth asked glancing over at Jasper.
Jasper sat up straight and turned so that his feet were resting on the wood of the deck between them. His arms rested on his legs as he fixed his golden gaze on Seth. “Seth… I wish I could explain it, but I can’t. I’m drawn to you, it’s like you’re a sun and I’m a moon. I don’t mean that as in I’m attracted to you, I have Alice and she is my everything. But, there is something about you. You feel everything so deeply and for an empath like myself this could either be a very good thing or a very bad thing. Because you are so positive it’s a good thing.”
Seth smiled. “Well I’m glad I don’t cause you pain. I usually try to hide these feelings.”
“I know.”
Sighing, Seth continued to stare up at the stars. “I was six and Jake was eight. We were playing on the playground at school and I wanted to prove that I could climb across the ‘big kid’ monkey bars. I climbed up there and started across…and glanced down. The ground was so far away for a six year old and I got scared, I couldn’t climb across any further and I started to cry. The older kids made fun of me and then ran off to play some other game, leaving me hanging there.”
“How did you get down?”
Seth smiled as he recalled the memory. “Jake. He came over and supported me on his shoulders while I let go. He wiped my tears away and gave me a kiss.”
“He kissed you?”
“On the lips. I doubt he even remembers it now but it was my first kiss and I’ll never forget it.”
“And you’ve loved him ever since?”
“Yeah, ever since.”
“What if Jacob never returns these feelings?” Jasper asked. Jasper felt Seth’s sadness following his question and he regretted asking.
“Nothing will change,” Seth finally murmured. “He loved Bella pretty much all his life and now he has Renesmee. Jake loves me…but only as a little brother. I’m not going to fool myself into thinking that one day he’ll suddenly change his mind and confess his undying love for me.”
“Seth…”
Seth shook his head. “No, I’m not. I love Jacob and I’ll always love him… but he won’t love me.”
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no subject
Date: 2012-08-28 10:10 pm (UTC)Good for him.
PS...know I've not be in LJ a lot recently, but I've not deleted any entry. Do intend to read them all.
no subject
Date: 2012-08-29 01:14 am (UTC)Lucky you, I haven't been writing much lately! Been to busy with my job.